Memorial Bench Fucked On
SYRACUSE, N.Y. — A stroll in the park took a salacious turn today after one passerby witnessed a couple fucking…
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Matt Husser
96 stories found
Goth Wandering Around During Daytime Must Have Rabies
SAN DIEGO — Bystanders were reportedly concerned after a wayward goth wandering around during the daytime triggered speculation that they…
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Grandpa’s “Walked Uphill Both Ways” Anecdote Not Landing With School Shooting Survivor
BOISE, Idaho — One grandpa's harrowing tale of “walking to school uphill both ways” failed to land with his 15-year-old…
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Taylor Swift Announces 151 Date, 5 Continent Wedding
NASHVILLE — Pop megastar Taylor Swift announced her upcoming wedding tour will be a sprawling 151-date, 5-continent celebration and will…
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Travis Kelce Dies After Taylor Swift Leaves Him in Sweltering Hot Private Jet
KANSAS CITY, Mo. — Kansas City Chiefs tight end Travis Kelce was found dead today after his fiancée Taylor Swift…
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Good Samaritan Zips Up Stranger’s Fly for Him
NASHVILLE — Local good samaritan Marvin Bell reportedly made bystanders uncomfortable today after he zipped up a stranger’s fly for…
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JD Vance Sitting on Curb After Trump Forgets to Pick Him Up
WASHINGTON — Vice President JD Vance was reportedly left sitting on the curb for several hours today after President Trump…
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“Only a Good Guy With a Gun Can Stop a Bad Guy With a Gun” Whispers Man’s Gun
LOUISVILLE, Ky. — Second Amendment enthusiast Greg Browner reportedly sprang into action today after the advice “only a good guy…
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RFK Jr. Announces Plans to Live Forever After Stuffing His Holes with Silica Gel Packets
WASHINGTON — Secretary of Health Robert F. Kennedy Jr. today declared his plans to live for eternity after stuffing his…
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Opinion: Don’t Talk to Me Until I’ve Screamed at the Teenager Making My Coffee
There are a few rules I live my life by: a balanced diet is a slice of pizza in each…
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