Riot Fest Drafts Preemptive Morrissey Cancellation Tweet
CHICAGO — Organizers of Riot Fest have reportedly drafted multiple social media updates in the likely event Morrissey, prolific songwriter…
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Chris Bratton
29 stories found
“Schoolhouse Rock” Bill Self-Immolates to Protest Big Beautiful Bill
WASHINGTON — The Bill from the “Schoolhouse Rock,” best known for singing “I’m Just a Bill” in the fifth episode…
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Grindcore Drummer Assures Jealous Girlfriend That Being in a Band Has Yet to Result in Female Attention
COTTAGE GROVE, Ore. — Local grindcore drummer Jermaine Anderson assured his girlfriend Tatiana Wayford that being in his band has…
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Dropkick Murphys Bagpipe Player Googles “Puke Bagpipes Clean Help Boston”
BOSTON — Dropkick Murphys bagpipe player Campbell Webster was seen frantically Googling “puke bagpipes clean help Boston,” confirmed sources who…
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Coked Up Music Exec Pitches “All I Want For Halloween is You” to Mariah Carey
LOS ANGELES — Local blitzed music executive at RCA Records repeatedly contacted Mariah Carey’s camp to collaborate on a new…
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GG Allin Chia Pet Has Very Different Set of Directions for Fertilizing Soil
LITTLETON, N.H. — A recent release of a limited edition “GG Allin Chia Pet” elicited a mixed reaction due to…
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Expecting Ska Parents Can Feel Baby Skanking
MINNEAPOLIS — Local ska fan and mother-to-be Claudia Hudson recently visited her OBGYN to reveal she recently felt her baby…
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Affordable Date Night: Anthony Kiedis Gets Senior Discount While Girlfriend Orders off Kids Menu
LOS ANGELES — Red Hot Chili Peppers frontman Anthony Kiedis was seen enjoying dinner at a local Denny’s with his…
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Tom Waits Finally Clears Throat Revealing Actual Falsetto Voice
SAN FRANCISCO — Legendary musician Tom Waits spent over a minute clearing his throat to reveal a beautiful singing voice…
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Construction Worker Tells Alice Cooper “You’d Be Prettier With Less Makeup On, Sweetie”
PHOENIX — A group of local construction workers told legendary rock star Alice Cooper that he’d look prettier with less…
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