Nathan Kamal
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CHICAGO — Touring steampunk band The Death Gaskets’s frustrated venue staff when their tour rider was revealed to be nothing…
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Camden Brazile
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PITTSBURGH — A local bouncer at the popular nightclub Shotbar manned his post last night with the adamant mindset to…
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Chris Jones
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HOUSTON — Scientists at NASA monitoring the Perseverance Rover made a startling discovery today when it sent back photos of…
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Nick Ortolani
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WASHINGTON — Democratic members of the U.S. legislature announced today that, “Fuck it, we’re gonna lower the minimum wage,” following…
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David Britton
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NEW YORK — Producers of “Fox & Friends” announced today that they will move the popular news show from its…
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Jake Menez
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PHOENIX — Stead Ned, the guitarist for the Ned Flanders-inspired heavy metal band Okilly Dokilly, is worried about his missing…
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James Knapp
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AUSTIN, Texas — Local 20-somethings Ashton Knoll and Kevin Stohl were approved yesterday for a second mortgage on their fiddle…
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Ramona Apthorp
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AGOURA HILLS, Calif. — Local nü-metal band Hog Washer can’t decide which of the countless butthole puns they thought of…
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Patrick Coyne
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JONESBORO, Ark. — Local burnout Declan Goddard finally achieved his long-term goal of securing a “sort of funny” and “only…
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Ben Friedman
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LONDON — The Cure founder and noted prankster Robert Smith left another flaming bag of fried chicken on Morrissey’s doorstep…
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