NANUET, N.Y. — Local new, potential best friends Mark Hughes and Brady Walker confirmed that they shared the most beautiful moment of their respective lives…
DENVER — Local marijuana enthusiast Toby Strickland is “pretty sure” he is the first to invent CBD-infused marijuana, which he believes is an opportunity to…
WASHINGTON — An increasing number of Americans are relying on monetized Youtube covers of Toto’s “Africa” to make ends meet despite record-low unemployment and unprecedented…
BROOKLYN, N.Y. — Greenpoint-based shitty bookstore Books, Beanz n’ Beats Cafe is also known for being a shitty coffee shop and shitty record store, thanks…
CINCINNATI — Local music enthusiast David Grabow keeps a sleeve of CDs in his car on his driver’s side sun-visor “just in case,” despite having…
GENEVA — A recent report from leading vegan scientists indicates the limited supply of dairy milk alternative Oatly could lead to increased international tension, eventually…
Dear Scabby: I’m really embarrassed to admit this…but I just shat a bunch of skittles out of my womanly parts. I haven’t eaten skittles in…
AUSTIN, Texas. — Local punk Rachel Ronson inadvertently removed both of her legs just below the knee last night while cutting her pair of black…
LANCASTER, Pa. — Lt. Dale Sherman was reportedly “completely bummed” to be on surveillance detail last weekend at the annual DIY, folk-punk Crust Fest, bemused…
BUFFALO, N.Y. — A small, unorganized local collection of punks, transients, and drug addicts with minimal artistic ability and motivation keep referring to themselves as…
GRAND RAPIDS, Mich. — A four-year-old golden retriever named Sadie is far and away the most productive member of local punk house, exasperated neighbors confirmed.…
INDIANAPOLIS — Recent college graduate Mark Robinson had a job interview yesterday he thought “went pretty well,” despite his inability to determine whether or not…
HUNTINGTON BEACH, Calif. — Seminal crust punk band Leftöver Crack canceled their upcoming Midwestern tour today when drummer Donny Morris missed the freight train door…














