HUNTSVILLE, Ala. — Former crust punk Howie Benson searched in vain earlier today for a way to hide his old, shitty tattoos before a mandatory…
WASHINGTON — Republicans are drafting a new Obamacare replacement bill that includes a clause removing children from their parents’ Netflix account after the age of…
OAKLAND, Calif. — Heavily pierced punk Kevin Avery has trapped a local woman in an unending, one-sided conversation, revealing a horrifying slew of opinions, according…
DURHAM, N.C. — High school teacher Eddie Dunn was named “coolest teacher in school” in the Mount Hills Senior High yearbook superlatives last year for…
PHILADELPHIA — Local pet owner Dylan Murphy could not find a suitable adoptive home for his beloved pet cockatoo last week, despite incessantly screaming “FREE…
DENVER — Semi-professional photographer Dennis Bachmann stands accused this morning of overenthusiastically supporting same-sex female relationships, according to multiple creeped out sources. Allegations spread after…
AUGUSTA, Maine — Local drummer Dicky Carter only needs to borrow a kick drum, snare drum, a stool, and one stick from the other bands…
TACOMA, Wash. — Despite his rigorous touring schedule, guitarist Marcus Lorenez still finds time to be an “inconsiderate and neglectful” member of his household, according…
DENVER — Everyone at the Death Head show last night definitely noticed you were there all by yourself, and it was “pretty fucking pathetic,” according…
PHOENIX — Netflix has ordered three separate hour-long, stand-up comedy specials from local dad Bob Cecil after his hilarious comedy performance during a family dinner…














Rescue Workers Called to Free Over 900 Instagram Users Caught In Thirst Trap
MENLO PARK, Calif. — Instagram officials were forced to call in rescue workers this past weekend after a Thirst Trap claimed over 900 users, according…