Aries (March 21-April 19) Stop feeling sorry for yourself, Aries. Nobody cares that Josh ate your leftover take out. It was moldy, and he puked…
NEW YORK — Rapper and television personality Action “Mr. Wonderful” Bronson was brutally murdered on the streets of Queens last night during a long and…
ANAHEIM, Calif. — Audience and band members alike were confused last night when punk band Lieutenant couldn’t decide to whom to dedicate one of their…
DENVER — Lumineers lead singer Wesley Schultz shattered his right foot last night in a frenzied stomping solo during a hometown concert, sources close to…
AKRON, Ohio — Local mom and punk scene staple Tilda Jensen was “just so happy, really” to have everyone back together at the same matinee…
PHILADELPHIA — Management at the Dust Bucket DIY venue proudly announced yesterday the opening of a new, gender-neutral spot on the property’s neighboring fence for…
CAMBRIDGE, Mass. — Years of clinical research has found that, on average, female bands playing local shows receive only 78 percent of the exposure paid…
NASHVILLE, Tenn. — Mourner Bryan Powell was reportedly infatuated last week with how different the tap water in Nashville tasted compared to that of his…
Aries (March 21-April 19) Tensions are high near the 15th this month — especially around your home and family life. Tell your mom to fucking…
TRENTON, N.J. — Aaron Parker, lead guitarist for the power-pop quartet Blue Tie, secretly re-recorded rhythm guitarist Jake Chin’s outgoing voicemail message yesterday, sources close…
BEL AIR, Calif. – Eccentric science teacher Elon Musk is in a romantic relationship with professional art student Grimes, sources confirmed. The 46-year-old Musk has…
SACRAMENTO, Calif. — Local punk Steven Marsh botched his 23andMe test late last week after inexplicably vomiting into the DNA collection tube, a confused and…
LAS VEGAS — Scene staple Pat “P” Ott learned last night that the show they believed to be sold out actually had tickets still available…
UNITED STATES — Local white guy Trent Langlois was ready to jump right into celebrating the music video for Childish Gambino’s “This is America” for…
WESTLAKE VILLAGE, Calif. — Guitar Center executives are planning a benefit concert to deter the chain’s impending bankruptcy, featuring 97 dudes playing the opening guitar…
