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Definition of Punk Found in Ancient Manuscript

DEIR EL-MEDINA, Egypt – A topic of heated debate in most middle schools and message boards might finally be resolved as researchers say they have found…

Local Hardcore Legend Has Really Shitty Job

DETROIT — Mike Avery, the legendary frontman of 90s hardcore band Turnaround has recently been spotted working at a terribly shitty job. Avery, widely considered…

Deafheaven Bassist Falls Asleep Onstage

[bandcamp width=100% height=42 album=4022394178 size=small bgcol=ffffff linkcol=2ebd35 track=3403585729] PORTLAND, Ore. — Deafheaven’s bassist, Stephen Clark, was lulled to sleep in the middle of his band’s…

Ex-Girlfriend Totally Normal Now

OLYMPIA, Wash. – Local punk Kyle Watkins, 33, made a startling discovery while stalking old friends on Facebook last night — his ex-girlfriend is totally…

Three Song Demo Unlistenable

BROOKLYN, N.Y. – Having been a band for only 27 hours, local D-beat band Displaced have recorded a three song demo that can only be…

UPDATE: Every Band Reunites for Fest

ANAHEIM, Calif. — Every band ever has decided they will reunite for next year’s Final Judgement Festival located at the Anaheim Air Field in Anaheim,…