MIAMI — Senator Bernie Sanders played a cheap Squier Affinity P-Bass on stage during the first debate for the 2020 Democratic primary election, a move…
WASHINGTON — Pop-punk frontmen from around the country marched in the nation’s capital today advocating for the federal minimum age of consent to be lowered…
ARLINGTON, Va. — Local man Mark Sadler believed a meme he saw today was exactly the kind of thing his ex-girlfriend may potentially enjoy, texting…
MIAMI — Former Vice President Joe Biden, considered by many to be the current frontrunner for the Democratic nomination against President Trump in 2020, was…
CUPERTINO, Calif. — Longtime Apple technical writer Jerry Perrywinkle released a passionate yet long-winded statement today about his 18 years as the author of Apple’s…
WASHINGTON — Distant smoke signals spotted by staff at local gay bar Pitchers earlier today confirmed that the bachelorette party of Becky Cartwright was en…
PHOENIX — Folk punk band Poor Man’s Richard surprised concertgoer and superfan Dave Cumberbatch last night by inviting him on stage to “play a milk…
BIRMINGHAM, Ala. — Local man Dan Traver warned friends this morning that his roommate Will Fu’s tweeting of various Elliott Smith lyrics will likely “…turn…
BOWIE, Md. — The entire staff at Free State Digital deduced today that a general housekeeping email from HR, despite being sent officewide, was really…
MOAB, Utah — Former Blink-182 guitarist and alien enthusiast Tom Delonge woke up naked today in a Utah desert for the fifth night in a…
NASHVILLE, Tenn. — Obsessive festival attendee Argel Anaya molted the entire top layer of his skin today after spending the entire weekend in the sun…
MARTINEZ, Calif. — An awards ceremony at Gravel-Doyle High School was disrupted today by students claiming that Jimmy Brooks, the dead boy who inspired the…
DEARBORN, Mich. — The Black Keys held a press conference at Ford Motor Company headquarters earlier today, announcing that their upcoming single would skip their…
Hey you. It’s me. I need to ask you something and I hope you’ll be honest with me. I know you’ve been hurt before by…
BALTIMORE — A three-hour road trip to Baltimore was just long enough for passenger Doug Sepp to have a turn controlling sound system despite his…
