NASHVILLE, Tenn. — Sales of the once-trendy keytar are down for the 425th consecutive month, as markets continue to show complete disinterest in the retro…
HARTFORD, Conn. — The world-renowned Smithson Symphony Orchestra asked their audience at the Hartford Opera House last night if anyone could offer them a place…
PITTSBURGH — Fans watching local math rock guitarist Steve Sanchez’s performance last night were split on whether the musician is a “once-in-a-lifetime talent” or “complete…
BATON ROUGE, La. — A suspicious attic believed to be haunted for decades reportedly showed no signs of paranormal activity to investigators, who only uncovered…
STOCKTON, Calif. — Tensions mounted on Thursday as the burrito you were about to eat on your lunch break was named the “Official Burrito of…
SACRAMENTO, Calif. — Local fan Brandon Pope’s merch booth conversation with members of touring band Ghost Summit got awkward at least 30 seconds ago, according…
ALLSTON, Mass. — A record-breaking number of millennials are joining multiple bands at a time to try to cover their daily expenses with little to…
AUSTIN, Texas — Bassist Philip McKinney finally worked up the nerve last night to ask about his relationship status with his fellow members of Pabst…
Aries (March 21 – April 19) Some astrologists say Aries are confrontational, but we say that’s fucking bullshit. Someone needs to tell everyone what posers…
SAN JOSE, Calif. — Roommates at punk/party house the Snake Pit are reportedly growing alarmed by the complete lack of water intake by fellow resident…
OLYMPIA, Wash. — Local woman Maria Phillips narrowly escaped embarrassment yesterday when she convinced visitors that the sex toy she accidentally left out was actually…
TORONTO — Hardcore veterans Conceited Eyes confronted their long-time merch guy Tony Lankins yesterday after finding his name listed in the “members” section of their…
MISSOULA, Mont. — Local stoner Zannah Meyers concluded that the weed she smoked this afternoon must be “extremely shitty,” after a near-hour of puffing resulted…
ALLSTON, Mass. — Local musician Doug Robinson attempted to borrow a bassoon last night for his set with folk-punk octet Rat Solidarity, assuming one of…














Concert Video Blocked by Tall YouTube Comment
LOS ANGELES — Music aficionado and noted short person Heather Allred’s YouTube-watching experience was interrupted last night when a tall, clueless comment obstructed her view…