PHILADELPHIA — Your friend Bella Dubois is reportedly now back with her old band The New Babies, leaving you feeling like an idiot for all…
There’s a simple truth out here in the real world. ACAB! All. Cops. Are. Bastards! Point blank period. And when we say “all” we mean…
DOVER, N.H. — Your coworker, accounts manager Randy Ferguson, has no idea that he is your mortal enemy in a long-running feud that won’t end…
It can be easy to become discouraged these days amid the drudgery of work and the onslaught of terrible news. This is why it’s so…
PITTSBURGH — Political punk band Anti-Flag surprised fans with a brand new album titled “In Oil We Trust” inspired by Iran’s bombing of Iraqi military…
SOMERVILLE, Mass. — Local slob Brian Helmes decreed today that the T-shirt he’s worn under his hoodie for the past 17 days is still clean,…
EUGENE, Ore. — Perpetually inconsiderate roommate Michael Chabot was thrilled yesterday to discover a giant pile of garbage in his shared kitchen, knowing he finally…
The word “boomer” contains decades–nay, millennia–of pain, hatred, and abuse. Millennials toss it around flippantly, making it the punchline of hurtful, problematic jokes. In an…
BOISE, Idaho — Ambitious music school graduate Fritz Stokowski took to the streets with flyers yesterday, advertising auditions for a new, drama-free symphony orchestra, bemused…
ALBUQUERQUE, N.M. — Civil engineer Daniel Barley obtained sole custody of ex-girlfriend Alicia Kressen’s parents yesterday during the dissolution of their relationship, completing a landmark…
Quick, need some mommy advice ASAP. About once a week, usually after getting my eight-month-old son to sleep, there’s a bright crackle of lightning in…
NYACK, N.Y. — Local BMX rider Duncan Turley allegedly spent months preserving his cleanest Hatebreed shirt, all to officiate the wedding of Ashley Genoa and…