CAMBRIDGE, Mass. — Behavioral scientists at the Massachusetts Institute of Technology announced a breakthrough discovery of a theoretical fourth option for occupying a person’s hands…
SEATTLE — Former ladies’ man Ethan Morrison ushered in a new, glorious era today in which he will show respect for exactly one woman, revealing…
Released in 1994, Little Giants is the classic underdog story of a misfit football team overcoming the odds to defeat their more talented opponents with…
CHICAGO — Legendary scene veteren Brent “Possum” Donello ended his punk phase with the ritual purchase of a queen-size Belgian Flax linen duvet cover from…
FLEMINGTON, NJ. — Local sociopath and deranged serial killer Parker Greene enthusiastically pulled 20 teeth out of the front pocket of a pair of jeans…
I’ve always thought of myself as a pretty good-looking guy. You wouldn’t hire me to model in GQ or anything, but I’ve heard a lot…
SEATTLE — Beloved Christmas icon Santa Claus announced today that he is starting a GoFundMe campaign after his sleigh was broken into while on his…
BETHLEHEM, Judea — Three magi arrived at a venue last night for the Christ child shortly after his birth, along with a young drummer who…
Yep, that one! The cylinder with the red shiny wrapping paper. That’s yours — go ahead and open it, Mom. Hope you like it. Merry…
LOS ANGELES — Everclear frontman Art Alexakis was “honestly not surprised” his father made no appearance at the family Christmas gathering for the 52nd year…
CHICAGO — Holiday icon and present delivery mogul Santa Claus admitted this morning that he snuck Bandcamp links to his latest lo-fi EP, “Jingle Beats…
This holiday season, we here at The Hard Times wanted to offer our audience something nice. With all those expensive goods wrapped up and sitting…
NORTH POLE — Members of the organization Stop Treating Animals Badly [STAB] rescued eight reindeer yesterday that were allegedly being exploited by a reclusive hoarder…