PLEASANTON, Calif. — Local punk Jesse Watson is breaking out his collection of AFI records earlier and earlier each year, fellow seasonally sensitive sources confirmed.…
PORTLAND, Ore. — Local Get Up Kids fan Will Landis referred last week to the band’s 1999 release Something to Write Home About as their…
Aries (March 21 – April 19) Remember, Aries: Mars rules your sign; it does not rule you. Cancel your preorder for those 30 Seconds to…

World’s Scariest Police Chases Trying to Make Every Conversation About Them as Difficult as Possible
PITTSBURGH, Pa. — Pittsburgh punk brats World’s Scariest Police Chases are on a quest to ensure that all discussion about them ends in a confused…
GREENSBORO, N.C. — An aging drum kit living with local parents Barbara and Sam Willett has no imminent plans to leave, despite staying in their…
KNOXVILLE, Tenn. — Local pop-punk band The Suicide Summer is embroiled in a heated dispute with local country band The Hay Bale Boys over whether…
LOS ANGELES — Ticketing sales and distribution leader Ticketmaster announced their new “Fuck You Fee” today, adding an extra charge of $5.15 on all tickets…
PLANO, Texas — Pizza Hut president Artie Starrs announced this morning via a conference call with shareholders that the restaurant chain will release a new,…
PORTLAND, Ore. — Fans of popular post-punk band Joy Division lined up for hours overnight to pick up a new reissue of the beloved 1979…
Aries (March 21 – April 19) This is the best week of the year to listen to your creative urges, Aries — try rolling your…
WASHINGTON — An Alcoholics Anonymous meeting was disrupted Friday evening when 27-year-old straight edge kid Drew “‘Till Death” Jackson arrived to announce his 10,000 day…












