EL PASO, Texas — An agent with U.S. Immigration and Customs Enforcement was indignant today after once again being compared to a member of the…
TUCKER, Ga. — Punk Ollie Boyer turned around a framed photo on his nightstand last night of punk rock icon and notoriously judgemental dude Henry…
MILWAUKEE — Sound Engineer Quintin Hafner purchased a large-format DiGiCo S31 Digital Mixer yesterday, but was unable to fit the board into his ’89 Honda…
ORLANDO, Fla. — Local medical supply salesman Elliot Harrison’s recent haircut was immediately noticed this morning by coworkers with seemingly nothing else to talk about,…
ALBUQUERQUE, N.M. — Local hardcore kid Connor Razzo moshed very cautiously at a show last night to protect the record he purchased following the opening…
TULSA, Okla. — Christian rapper Young Xannah admitted today that the only beef he refuses to “squash” is his ongoing conflict with the act of…
CHULA VISTA, Calif. — Partygoer Todd Horne attempted to engage the rest of the crew moments ago in a round of “Jeff-based shit talk,” despite…
SARASOTA, Fla — Local man Daniel Mulrennan made a potentially friendship-damaging mistake moments ago, blurting out, “I can’t make it” before his friend even said…
CINCINNATI — A benefit show held last night for St. Therese’s Children’s Hospital failed to raise any monetary funds to donate, but successfully generated over…
NEW YORK — Shortly after telling responding officers they’d never see him again, bank robber Austin Linders embarrassingly found himself last night fleeing the scene…
OCEAN SPRINGS, Miss. — Local musician Kevin Masterson proposed to his girlfriend Christine Sitner yesterday with a $200 engagement ring, using the traditional three months’…
BANGOR, Maine — Mayor Chesty the French Bulldog enacted a city-wide ban today on fireworks ahead of Independence Day festivities, citing public safety concerns, environmental…
BROOKLYN — Casual sex enthusiast Steve Searcy revealed today that his recent Tinder date Monica Preston seemed to have “more of a Bumble thing going…
WALLA WALLA, Wash. — Local punk Niles Torsten displayed the “LOV” and “HAT” tattoos on his gnarled fingers last night while warning partygoers about improper…
NEW YORK — The hosts of “Fox & Friends” demonstrated how drinking out of a toilet was “completely normal” on this morning’s broadcast of their…
