NEW YORK — Local punk Kyle Gilbert is ecstatic for his countless opportunities to explain the historical significance of Bikini Kill to anyone who will…
C’mon, what are you, some kinda’ pussy?! Do this beer bong, bro! Don’t wuss out on me. I invite you to my home, supply you…
DOVER, N.H. — A recently worn necktie was informed yesterday that it will remain knotted and in its owners closet until it is once again…
DALLAS – After days of deliberation, scene veteran Preston Lemons still hadn’t decided whether to attend a show at the Nickel and Dime Club that…
BALTIMORE — Mathematician Douglas Campbell proved yesterday that rapper DMX’s controversial “Dark Man X Theory” is true by demonstrating, by way of variable ‘X,’ that…
Fuck God. I never thought I would think those words let alone say them, I’ve been to church every Sunday since I was 8 years…
I don’t know about you but I am NOT a morning person. From the second I get out of bed and make my way to…
Dear Scabby: My friend in his mid-20’s has been living in his parents’ shed and subsisting off of death metal, frozen food from Costco, cheap…
ELKRIDGE, Md. — Mild-mannered 42-year-old insurance salesman Jello Biafra suffered another case of mistaken identity this week, as he was once again assumed to be…
FRESNO, Calif. — Devoted ska guy and The Deux Tones frontman Simon Carpenter “upped his cred” last week by whitening every other tooth in his…
TULSA, Okla. — Adamant atheist, open homosexual, and hardcore punk Ed Rossi is technically a better Christian than his biological, evangelical family that disowned him…
KALAMAZOO, Mich. — Drummer Amir Ferguson last night left yet another piece of his drum gear in a city in which he’d just performed, cementing…














