BETHESDA, Md. — Dr. Anthony Fauci, director of the National Institute of Allergy and Infectious Disease, recently gave approval for venues to continue the common…
Dear fam, hustlers and wizened street-toughs, I would like, first and foremost, to thank you all from the bottom of my naive heart for your…
KALAMAZOO, Mich. — The local police department issued a public service announcement this morning warning the populace to be aware of dangerous anarchist activity downtown,…
CHICAGO — Aging goth Ashe Montresor is barely managing to push through their daily 170-minute ritual of applying the appropriate makeup to make them look…
WASHINGTON — President Joe Biden dozed off “for a good thirty or forty seconds” at a lectern while delivering an apology for his recent sleeping…
You know how people joke about defeating a small business in a lawsuit when something goes wrong so badly that they’ll end up owning it?…
SEATTLE — Local punk Jonathan “Johnny Balls” Denick has given full legal power of attorney to a dog with a bandana named Roscoe, according to…
Celebs are under constant pressure to look good and, in doing so, postpone the aging process. Few stars have defied Father Time quite like the…
WELLAND, Ontario — Local hardcore kid Jordan Trimble announced his intentions to destroy the only intact ceiling tile remaining in the Lion’s Club seconds before…
JOHNSON CITY, N.Y. — Local clothes launderer Dee Chanthavong nearly realized his lifelong fantasy of diving headfirst into a pile of shiny coins after being…
ROCHESTER, N.Y. — Local son Austin Miller was held hostage for nearly 20 minutes this evening amid his father’s annual retelling of the time he…
We all know who Kid Rock is and what he represents, but who will embody the worst side of our older brothers and uncles in…