CLEVELAND — Local hardcore band Anaheim Mighty Fucks can’t wait to introduce its “kick-ass” new drummer at the memorial show to commemorate Evan Silva, the…
EUREKA, Calif. — Prolific frontman Mike Patton announced today that he is quitting music, citing the simple fact he has “run out of bands to…
ROCKVILLE CENTRE, N.Y. — 21-year-old Marcy McDaniels voluntarily lied about her age last night to get backstage at a show headlined by hardcore band The…
COLUMBUS — Spoken-word artist and comedian Henry Rollins treated showgoers at the Sonic Temple Art & Music Festival to a special encore, closing his set…
PHOENIX — Lifelong punk Roddy Scotts assured a potential employer in an interview yesterday that, in five years, he sees himself posthumously headlining a benefit…
PHILADELPHIA — A group of local crust punks selflessly offered to help furloughed “bootlicking peons of the bloated and immoral federal government” yesterday by teaching…
DALLAS — Local freshman Sammy Clifton, the sousaphonist in the Rosethorn High School marching band, reportedly now has more road experience than struggling punk band…
MINNEAPOLIS — Former members of the band The Replacements were mortified to learn this morning, upon finally sobering up after decades of heavy drinking, that…
BAKERSFIELD, Calif. — Local punk Griffin Myers was hospitalized last night after provoking mythical scene veteran Butch “The Butcher” Caldwell, otherwise known as a “real…
Are all cops bastards? Yes. We know this because it’s been proven by punk’s top researchers. The same researchers who helped answer important questions like,…
SACRAMENTO, Calif. — The Robles Park neighborhood will soon host a temporary art installation, an event largely received as “…fine, I guess, but more food…
NEW YORK — Local punk Kyle Gilbert is ecstatic for his countless opportunities to explain the historical significance of Bikini Kill to anyone who will…
C’mon, what are you, some kinda’ pussy?! Do this beer bong, bro! Don’t wuss out on me. I invite you to my home, supply you…
DOVER, N.H. — A recently worn necktie was informed yesterday that it will remain knotted and in its owners closet until it is once again…














