Hybrid cars sure are nifty! Being able to run on gas or battery power is perfect for people who feel kind of bad about exhaust…
LOS ANGELES — Local shelter cat Midnight is holding out hope that legendary frontman Glenn Danzig will show up in the waning minutes of today’s…
LONG ISLAND, N.Y. — Greenport tattoo artist Hazel Derulo continues to make an excellent salary by simply covering up Brand New lyrics she originally tattooed…
Well here we are again. It’s Sunday, the thought of having to go back to work tomorrow makes you want to put your head in…
This week we had the once-in-a-lifetime chance to sit down with Taylor Swift and had kind of an “oh fuck” moment when we realized she…
AMAZON RAINFOREST, Brazil – A local topaz hummingbird was humiliated when he nutted super fast while filming a rare mating ritual for an upcoming installment…
I’ve often been called a late bloomer. While I’ve always resented that label, everyone who called me that had a fair point: I refuse to…
BELLS BEACH, Victoria — Former President Donald Trump was seen evading authorities by attempting to surf a giant wave off the southern coast of Australia…
Nietzsche said that if you gaze for long into an abyss, the abyss gazes also into you, which is why I never stare directly at…
MINNEAPOLIS — Target announced they would be reducing this year’s selection of Pride merchandise to a single t-shirt depicting an androgynous person shrugging in response…
Doctors and scientists will tell you that alcohol is severely dehydrating, but doctors also used to prescribe lobotomies to anyone with ADHD, and scientists were…
BOSTON — Local deathcore fan Toby Branstein decided to bust out his finest carabiner keychain for the upcoming special Red Chord show, confirmed sources who…
WATERLOO, N.Y. — Staunch MAGA Republican and binge-drinker Justin Brently decided to show his unwavering support for Donald Trump after his recent felony conviction by…
BOISE, Idaho. — Followers of the QAnon conspiracy theory are trying to find hidden meaning in the 34 felony convictions of former president Donald Trump…
CHICAGO — Local metalhead and avid drinker Stephen Mullins realized he needs to donate increasingly larger amounts of blood and plasma just to achieve the…