In our nation’s current state of total buzzkill, it’s more important than ever to focus on what makes us the same rather than what makes…
CHICAGO — Singer/guitarist of political punk band Numb Chomsky and Global Political Systems Ph.D. candidate Miles “The Throat” Fitzsimmons realized during last night’s rehearsal that…
NEW YORK — Longtime political activist Lorenzo Marquez attempted to kick off a new protest chant at a march last weekend, but struggled to find…
BOSTON — Local hardcore frontman Sturgill Hoffman gave multiple impassioned speeches about Syria during a show last night, with his convictions alternating strongly depending on…

The Dickies Removed From Warped Tour After Joking About Sexualizing Minors Without Following Through
DENVER — Punk band The Dickies were removed from Warped Tour on Friday after the frontman repeatedly yelled “blow me” at a minor without having…
CERRITOS, Calif. — Guitarist Mike Magrann of the seminal ’80s punk group Channel 3 faced a stern warning from his doctor yesterday that bands with…
BOSTON — The Pints Of Blood fest announced a new set of guidelines for this year’s event, declaring age restrictions of “16 to enter, 45…
TEMECULA, Calif. — Indie singer-songwriter Marcy Morrison’s entire fanbase died last night in a ritualistic mass suicide, taking place during a performance of her most…
ROANOKE, Va. — Self-described anarchist and tabletop gamer “Grimey” Grady Cook stunned his gaming group earlier this week with his “surprisingly strict” enforcement of the…
BUFFALO, N.Y. — A senseless crowd killing incident late last night during a heavy breakdown left six people severely annoyed, according to multiple eyewitnesses. The bothersome…
SEATTLE — After Amazon’s announcement it would purchase grocery store chain Whole Foods Market, CEO Jeff Bezos shared schematics for new robotic workers engineered to replicate…
DENVER — The pit at famed punk venue The Safe Room was packed with teary-eyed loved ones and well-wishers on Thursday night, as the flayed…
PHILADELPHIA — Local 33-year-old Seth Bourne is completely unable and unwilling to buy any shoes that are not specifically designed for skateboarding, according to concerned…
BOULDER, Colo. — Local crustie Dylan Waters was asked to hold his pose for “just a little bit longer” while a portrait artist added the…













