CHICAGO — Local punk Jacob Brown found his net worth has skyrocketed now that drink tickets are redeemable again at reopened venues across the city,…
SCRANTON, Penn. — Toby Louvern, lead vocalist in doom-pop band Expired Sex, was stricken with the deepest existential terror of his life during a recent…
WASHINGTON — The American Psychiatric Association at its annual conference announced it added “poser” to the latest update of the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of…
UKIAH, Calif. — Local showgoer Ernie Morales lamented the fact he is almost certainly contracting the coronavirus delta variant while attending an avant-garde noise show…
SAN FRANCISCO — American chain seafood restaurant Red Lobster declared chapter 7 bankruptcy this week after a recent crossover promotion with punk band Dead Kennedys…
RALEIGH, N.C. — Local metalhead Damien Walsh is recovering at the Holly Hill Hospital after suffering severe nerve damage in his neck from visualizing himself…
LOS ANGELES — Fans of the Misfits were thrilled yesterday as the original lineup of the highly influential punk band reunited to verbally harass a…
FRESNO, Calif. — Local golden retriever DeeDee is utterly ashamed at owner Ben “Stank Beav” Carlisle’s insistence on dragging his itchy, bare ass on their…
AUSTIN — Turnstile show attendee and guy in a GG Allin shirt Mark Creston was searched by security twice following a fecal matter-related incident at…
PORTLAND, Ore. — Local crust punk Julian “The Stain” Rainer stunned a group of friends by somehow clogging a perfectly good toilet merely after urinating…
LAREDO, Texas — Punk drummer Marcus Flannery shocked the medical and music worlds by giving birth not to triplets as expected, but rather two dotted…
SECAUCUS, N.J. — The newly created Merch Guy Hall of Fame announced its inaugural class of inductees consisting entirely of pretty average looking dudes named…
DRYDEN, N.Y. — An online trend known as the “milk crate challenge” left local punk Shelby Smalls with almost no furniture or storage options in…
MEDFORD, Mass. — The basement practice space at 234 Syrup Street is reportedly overrun by enough Aspergillus fumigatus to dampen sound, thanks to leaky water…
WEDGEBERG, Wyom. — A recent census of the town of Wedgeberg, population 629, revealed that its fledgling punk scene is composed entirely of teenage thespians…