WASHINGTON — A new study by climate scientists within the hardcore scene revealed the motherfuckers in the back will almost certainly be underwater by the…
LOMBARD, Ill. — The typically tough-as-nails beatdown band Rank and File were reportedly thrown off their game at a recent show at the Gulch when…
CHICAGO — Alternative rock legends Smashing Pumpkins announced that they will be reuniting their founding roster, which includes drummer Jimmy Chamberlin, guitarist James Iha, bassist…
MADISON, Wis. — Indie folk artist Bon Iver’s recent show at the Iron Plaid was completely drowned out by the sound of some guy eating…
RENO, Nev. – Local doom metal darlings Swamp Creatures released their new signature coffee beans to let their fans they’re absolutely done making good music,…
OSLO, Norway — Members of the black metal band Flesheating Cadaver are reportedly entirely unaware that they have accidentally chosen a death metal name, vicariously…
NEW YORK — Local Napalm Death fan Mark Dixon is reportedly feeling proud about the comment made by a woman after they engaged in nearly…
FRAMINGHAM, Mass. — Local graphic designer Eddy Dignan adopted a grueling schedule of listening to songs and artists in order to game the Spotify Wrapped…
PHOENIX, Ariz. — A track-for-track covers album of Black Sabbath’s “Master of Reality” offers a remarkable glimpse at what the iconic album would sound like…
SEATTLE — Local American Sign Language interpreter Catelyn Mitchell admitted that she was just kind of winging the signs on stage during a recent Pearl…
CRAWLEY, West Sussex — Goth rock giants the Cure reissued their seminal 1989 album “Disintegration” in a deluxe box set complete with bonus outtakes, live…
HELL — Ruler of the underworld and Dark Lord Satan admitted that even after all these years, he is still flattered whenever he hears a…
BALTIMORE — A new study found that rising inflation, paired with the inherent financial strain put on touring bands, could potentially wipe out the once…
PORTLAND, Ore. – Goth and frequent cemetery visitor Madison Gardiner had her day ruined by a “comically loud” grieving family saying a last farewell to…
GRAND RAPIDS, Mich. — Sullen members of goth-rock band Vacant Belfry are reportedly embarrassed with their new guitarist’s proclivity for perpetually donning a big floppy…