SANTA FE, N.M. — Attendees of last night’s set by scene legends Beyond Silent were surprised to notice that, for a solid few minutes, everyone…
WHEELING, W. VA — Aging punk roommate Dennis “Onion” Wilkins ritualistically bequeathed the key that allows them to steal toilet paper from Wendy’s to his…
MEMPHIS, Tenn. — Shipping conglomerate FedEx announced a massive hiring effort to recruit hundreds of staffers dedicated to fucking up vinyl records during the shipping…
NEW YORK — Emo fans remain shaken to their core after the release of the previously unthinkable: a new track from acclaimed emo group Across…
SANTA BARBARA, Calif. — Hollywood composer Danny Elfman was reportedly dejected after his proposed score for an legitimately haunted carnival was turned down, according to…
BOSTON — Local ray of sunshine Sarah Bootley openly and unashamedly enjoyed Naval Tomb’s show from the front row last night, sources who wished she’d…
LOS ANGELES — Concert-goers at the legendary Smoking Barrel recently learned that the club has never had to refill the contents of its bathroom soap…
SACRAMENTO, Calif. — Fans of the late, exceptionally talented rapper Coolio spent the last 12 hours muttering the lyrics they can remember to his hit…
It’s always awkward when two girls show up in the same outfit but it’s even worse when nearly two thousand students at the same liberal…
CORVALLIS, Ore. — Local punk band No Thank You took a quick breather in the middle of their set to promote their sponsors Blue Apron…
HARTFORD, Conn. — Local teenager Lauren Sneden has been grounded by her moms for calling indie-rock sibling duo Tegan and Sara “gay elders,” sources in…
NARBERTH, Pa. — Local thrash metal outfit Gore Primordial hastily threw together an impromptu photo shoot when it was discovered a destructive house fire had…
NEW YORK — Pioneering California punk band FEAR will appear in this year’s Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade now that the 40-year ban assigned by NBC…
Voting season is upon us and even though I don’t vote, this year’s Election Day is probably the most important one of our lifetimes. Therefore,…
LOS ANGELES — Megadeth frontman, and only remaining founding member, Dave Mustaine was shocked to discover he was kicked out of his own band by…