Wow. Where does the time go? One minute you’re thirteen years old jamming out to your new favorite album, Green Day’s “American Idiot” of course,…
LA MESA, Calif. – A group of 38-year-olds attending last night’s Social Narcolepsy gig reportedly spent the entire show discussing the best route home, confirmed…
SWEET HOME, Ore. — Local merch guy Adam Planville reluctantly went into work at 4 a.m. to prepare for the punk band Vegan Werewolf’s Black…
Noise Musician Preparing to Spend Seventh Consecutive Thanksgiving Lying About Being a Jazz Musician
Noise Musician Preparing to Spend Seventh Consecutive Thanksgiving Lying About Being a Jazz Musician
TOLEDO, Ohio. – Local noise musician Gary Wilkerson spent the past week researching music history and terminology in order to convince his immediate family that…
ORLANDO, Fla. — Guitar manufacturer B.C. Rich was forced to issue an apology after debuting a totally normal-looking guitar that outraged their dedicated customers, confirmed…
BRISTOL, Conn. — Embarrassed members of sludge-punk band Grinch Meat are allegedly kicking themselves after forgetting an apostrophe and ordering hundreds of gigantic seven-foot singles,…
LOS ANGELES — Leaked emails from high-ranking members of the Recording Academy of America suggest that the three Turnstile Grammy nominations were a subversive attempt…
LOS ANGELES — Indie rock legends Theory of Judah released a new deluxe box set that features terribly recorded and half-baked versions of all of…
NEW YORK — Local indie fan Ian Hudson was completely unimpressed with the Bronx Zoo’s new “underwhelming and derivative” arctic monkey exhibit that opened last…
Upon arriving in Tennesee for my friend’s wedding, I found myself cruising down the road in a rental car, blasting local radio, when something terrible…
SALT LAKE CITY — Local motherfuckers expressed their displeasure with the lead singer of hardcore band Big Butter for repeatedly and maliciously singling them out…
WEST ORANGE, N.J. — Local mother Helen McGuire allowed her sons to borrow her van so their band Uncle Punch could take it out on…
CUPERTINO, Calif. — Apple CEO Tim Cook revealed startling new data about his company’s cloud storage system stating that nearly all the files saved to…
WAKEFIELD, Quebec — Local rockabilly scene member and ex-smoker Dewey “Hepcat” Henderson recently rolled a pack of Nicorette up into the sleeve of his t-shirt,…
BIRMINGHAM, Ala. — Bassist for grindcore band Apocalypse Cow was reportedly put inside of a kick drum during sound check after his bandmates could not…