WALTHAM, Mass. — A recent study published by the New England Journal of Medicine found that women who date men over the age of 40…
MEMPHIS, Tenn. — Touring band Dwight Zombie made a last-minute stop in Memphis early yesterday afternoon for the sole purpose of relieving their bowels before…
CUPERTINO, Calif. — Apple’s newest iPhone operating system, iOS 16, includes a predictive text feature that allegedly recognizes when the user is being invited to…
NEW YORK — Members of Racked Brain returned from a weekend “tour” and immediately began telling their friends tales of a “packed and absolutely bonkers”…
PROVIDENCE, R.I. — A show in the basement of local punk house Arsonist Hall started exactly on time today, thanks to a Daylight Saving Time…
CHICAGO — Piss-drunk indie pop band Belle & Sebastian spent a raucous evening tidying their hotel room at the Radisson Blu Aqua while on a…
CHICAGO — Derek Douglas, a fan of the indie rock band Pavement since the early 90s, announced his plans this week to discuss nothing but…
BETHESDA, Md. — Dr. Anthony Fauci, director of the National Institute of Allergy and Infectious Disease, recently gave approval for venues to continue the common…
KALAMAZOO, Mich. — The local police department issued a public service announcement this morning warning the populace to be aware of dangerous anarchist activity downtown,…
CHICAGO — Aging goth Ashe Montresor is barely managing to push through their daily 170-minute ritual of applying the appropriate makeup to make them look…
SEATTLE — Local punk Jonathan “Johnny Balls” Denick has given full legal power of attorney to a dog with a bandana named Roscoe, according to…