Punk legends Teenage Bottlerocket have a new 7″ coming out right around the corner called “So Dumb/So Stoked” and this is your first chance to…
CRAWLEY, West Sussex — The Cure frontman and monopoly-challenging hero Robert Smith negotiated with Ticketmaster to cancel Morrissey’s planned U.S. tour, sources relieved to get…
Ah, the Garden State. To know her is to marginally tolerate her out of necessity. The taxes, the corrupt politicians, the odor; it’s really got…
PRINCETON, N.J. — Top scientists from around the nation are reportedly perplexed beyond belief upon discovering that the band Touchstone Phone’s later material miraculously exceeds…
We get it. You love Weezer almost as much as you love fucking. Trying to combine the best of both worlds in a steamy playlist?…
ELKHART, Ind. — Legendary orchestral instrument manufacturer Selmer announced plans to edge into the metal musician market with the debut of a Flying V-shaped oboe,…
AUSTIN, Texas — Local dental patient Peter Thomas was in a state of panic recently when his dentist began absolutely blasting speed metal before beginning…
RICHMOND, Va. — Thrash metal band GWAR was forced to build an immense costume and elaborate backstory for a tambourine player that was featured in…
Oftentimes, the problem with punk music made by actual PEOPLE is that those people are so rarely puppets, sitcom characters, or Martin Short. With this…
POMONA, Calif. – Liz Gore, lead vocalist of local death metal band Afterbirth, reportedly slipped into a strained and high-pitched customer service voice onstage last…
PORTSMOUTH, N.H. – Sibling members of local DIY punk band Reserve recently changed their musical style and image after discovering they are the beneficiaries of…
In the annals of sad white Midwestern guys with guitars, American Football stands tall. The iconic emo rock group (originally consisting of singer, guitarist, and…
NASHVILLE, Tenn. — Christian rock band The Exalted reunited just three days after shocking their local scene with a breakup announcement, churchgoing sources confirmed. “It…
INDIANAPOLIS — Distraught boygenius fan Hope Green was seen throwing rocks and refusing to leave the parking lot after a recent show when she realized…
You can’t escape news no matter how hard you try. That’s not how it works. So in case you missed it, here are the most…