DURHAM, N.C. — Local stoner metal aficionado Ennis Woltham is reportedly perplexing those around him by constantly using “Dopesmoker Listens” as a new time measurement…
SAN DIEGO — Copywriter Stacy Campbell sarcastically claimed she’s never heard a joke referencing the 2003 pop-punk classic “Stacy’s Mom” thousands of times before, coworkers…
SAN DIEGO — Members of the vegan hardcore band Right Side were reportedly forced to settle for a pescatarian bass player after their hunt for…
NEW YORK — Local security guard Frank Bologna has absolutely no clue why he’s needed to work a mostly docile There Might Be Giants show…
WESTCHASE, Fla. — Self-proclaimed smartypants Ben Shapiro reportedly “flew into a tizzy” and demanded indie folk supergroup boygenius publicly perform in a local Battle of…
GRAND RAPIDS, Mich. — Twin brothers Earl and Wayne Dunlap were chosen “Most Likely to Be Rhythm Section in Metal Band” by their fellow seniors,…
BLOOMFIELD, Conn. — Employees of a local hardware store franchise are reportedly exasperated with the many noise musicians who repeatedly come in to solo without…
TRENTON, N.J. — Local goth Alex Stemens enthusiastically fist pumped a nearby hearse in hopes they would blow their giant air horn, several chalky white-faced…
TEMPE, Ariz. — ‘90s alt rockers Gin Blossoms finally acknowledged their white privilege that enabled them to “drive around this town” being chased by the…
You may have made it through another week, but have you made it through the most important news stories from the last seven days? If…
SCOTTSDALE, Ariz. — Fender recalled a new line of guitars and basses that moan, grunt and scream while being tuned after weeks of constant complaints…
VENTURA, Calif. – Inexperienced roadie Rodger Siminek Jr. is fighting accusations that he only got his job as the guitar tech for California surf-grass trio…
DENVER — Local punk Cody Dawkins attempted to defy the limits of what humanity knows as a fundamental truth and travel backward through time in…
LOS ANGELES — Former Blink 182 member Matt Skiba frantically searched “how to play drums” upon news that Travis Barker’s hand surgery would postpone the…
MERRILL, Ore. — Frustrated members of skatepunk band Hamstring are reportedly only giving their bassist one more chance to stop referring to the band as…