CHICAGO — Local man Ben Schneebly was heard shouting “I don’t want to be here anymore!” over and over again at a recent Rise Against…
LAFAYETTE, Ind. — Leading climate analysts at Purdue University are warning that global warming could cause Weezer’s Blue Album to be entirely red by 2035,…
SARASOTA, Fla. — Davey Lincoln, frontman for regionally popular pop-punk band It’s Not a Tumor, claimed a sudden bout of performance anxiety was due to…
SOUTH KINGSTOWN, R.I. — Ben Bryes, guitarist for local alt-rock band Swiss Army Gun, reportedly switched his instrument while performing even though literally no one…
LOS ANGELES – Blink 182’s highly anticipated new album “One More Time” will not feature songs about how Tom Delonge was right about aliens thanks…
NEW YORK — Local weakling and black metal singer Percy “Blall” Miller of the group Assküm spent the entirety of his band’s 30-minute set attempting…
TROLLSTIGEN, Norway — Teenage punks Xavier Martinez and Sydney Black were shocked to discover that the address of a house show would only be revealed…
NASHVILLE, Tenn. — Gibson Brands Inc. announced plans to debut their new signature line of Flying V Jet Skis at the 2024 National Association of…
MANCHESTER, N.H. — Alleged Phish “mega fan” Walter Pratt admitted he has only seen the popular jam band perform live 72 times this year, sources…
PHILADELPHIA — Jealous husband and punker Shaun Grables is starting to suspect that his wife is secretly having sex with The Dead Milkmen while he’s…
LAS CRUCES, N.M. — Organizers of a spelling bee primarily focused on metal band names were disappointed to see every participant eliminated in the first…
SAN JOSE — Local man Chris Bendar, 32, very carefully found a verbal path around mentioning TikTok when recommending Petey’s new album “USA” to a…
SALEM, Ore. — Local father of four and avid collector of vinyl records Douglas Buckner is unsure whether his children would be best organized alphabetically…
Petey USA was born a 14-year-old boy in the crowd at a Chicago Blackhawks game at the United Center. Now a world-renowned singer, songwriter, actor,…
SAN BRUNO, Calif. — A sick-to-his-stomach backstage passholder at a recent Buckethead concert spent the whole night making sure to stay right nearby the conveniently…