DALLAS — Local middle-aged Slayer fan Doug Ulner was immediately prescribed medication to address his presumed high blood pressure upon his entrance to Southwest Dallas…
Rookie NFL Game DJ Mistakenly Presses “Crazy Train” Button Instead of “Welcome to the Jungle” Button
Rookie NFL Game DJ Mistakenly Presses “Crazy Train” Button Instead of “Welcome to the Jungle” Button
GREEN BAY, Wisc. — Local man Jason Broderick committed a grievous error in pressing the “Crazy Train” button instead of the “Welcome to the Jungle”…
CHICAGO — Former Blink-182 guitarist Matt Skiba was seen staring out a window on a rainy day this past week while wondering if Mark Hoppus…
WHEELING, W.V. – Supposed Cannibal Corpse fan Gary Morgan is allegedly using a dating app to find a new romantic partner instead of perusing his…
WASHINGTON — Vice President-elect J.D. Vance made history earlier this week when he became the first person to hold the office who is extremely unsettling…
ST. PAUL, Minn. — A lineup of bands playing at popular punk house Chalet Cretin has been quickly re-billed as a “basement show” after a…
OTTAWA, Ontario — Beloved ‘90s singer-songwriter Alanis Morissette updated her classic song “Ironic” to highlight the absurdity that the only attractive member of Limp Bizkit,…
SAN FRANCISCO — Local boxed food mix Rice-A-Roni unveiled a new advertising campaign that featured them embracing their roots in the Bay Area thrash metal…
DES MOINES, Iowa — A new poll shows Kamala Harris’ lead over Donald Trump nearly doubled after telling rallygoers that her favorite Slipknot album was…
SANTA FE, N.M. — Ana Sutton, a 38-year-old musician who is currently on tour, recently changed all the demands in her rider to “enough chairs…
These days, it’s commonplace for concert attendees to have their smartphones on hand to record every second of a performance. While many musicians have waxed…
When you think about it, life is just a series of decisions. Most of them are completely banal and easily forgotten, and some have the…
We here at The Hard Times are always looking for the most cutting-edge reporters and tastemakers in the industry. During a late-night bender in the…
OKLAHOMA CITY — Attendees at Chat Pile’s Halloween show universally agreed that singer Raygun Busch was dressed as Randy from the TV show “Trailer Park…
LOS ANGELES — Legendary AFI frontman Davey Havok was overheard screaming “Do you know who I am?” at Harold’s Haunted Hayride employees while being forcibly…