MINNEAPOLIS — Local Hüsker Dü fan Paul Mallard quietly celebrated the 10-year anniversary of never saying their band name aloud to avoid potential ridicule, confirmed…
LOS ANGELES — Kanye West followed up a Nazi-glorifying rant on ‘X’ today by announcing the surprise release of his newest studio album “Austrian Art…
GRAND ISLAND, Neb. — Child protective services finally paid a visit to 89-year-old Bertha Gwynne after she had been clipping newborn babies upside-down to a…
LOS ANGELES — U2 frontman Bono announced that the wildfires in California have devastated enough property and ruined a sufficient amount of lives for him…
SAN FRANCISCO — Semi-titans of American thrash metal Testament, Exodus, Overkill, and Dark Angel announced their plans to play a concert in the same vein…
SAN DIEGO — Local show attendee Sean Jessey had no choice but to purchase unwanted concert merch to avoid admitting publicly that he’d spent 30…
LAS VEGAS — Notable classic rock band and purveyor of merchandise KISS released a signature brand of coffee whose taste is closely aligned with their…
BALTIMORE — Local vinyl collector and self-proclaimed financial wizard Eric Drysden recently calculated his net worth using vinyl website Discogs.com, claimed friends who were definitely…
UTICA, N.Y. — VFW Post 226 held an emergency fish fry in an attempt to relieve it from the stench that lingered from the punk…
CAMILLUS, N.Y. — Local black metal band Bügnorkvlt shrouded a crowd with their evil, mystifying atmosphere, despite playing at a barely attended bowling alley, corpse-painted…
SYRACUSE, N.Y. — Local 46-year-old metalhead Rich Dresden nervously concocted a complex narrative to explain to the clerk at Urgent Breakdown Records why he was…
OSLO, Norway — Physicists at the Goering Institute of Hardcore Physics recently discovered a new form of toilet paper thinner than a photon of light,…
CHATTANOOGA, Tenn. — Local stoner rockers Dust Buster’s recent argument that devolved into screaming and name-calling ultimately led to hot, steamy, erotic makeup sex, staff…
BAKERSFIELD, Calif. — Local Korn fan Floyd Brennan recently admitted that the band hit its peak approximately 50 seconds into the song “Blind,” confirmed sources…
ST. LOUIS — Local Rush fan and high school senior Micah Kirby spent the entirety of the make out game Seven Minutes in Heaven playing…