WASHINGTON — Experts at the Department of Education (DoE) have issued a dire warning that further cuts to their institution could result in even more…
LOS ANGELES — Megadeth frontman Dave Mustaine suggested starting a “supergroup” with Metallica members James Hetfield, Lars Ulrich and Robert Trujillo, sources report. “I haven’t…
MADISON, Wis. — Noticing the copious golden earwax covering your Eargasm concert earplugs, a depraved concertgoer at the Riff Palace Festival asked if you were…
ANN ARBOR, Mich. — Local man Bart Carlsen is positive the $40 band tee he’s receiving in the mail today will turn his life around,…
IOWA CITY, Iowa — Suburban father Tyler Rainey expressed frustration over children’s lack of media literacy, despite firmly believing country singer Garth Brooks and his…
SAN JOSE, Calif. — Local reunion show for ska band Skattergories was reportedly ruined by all the ska music, confirmed sources who wondered when it…
TRENTON, N.J. — Black metal band Kald Syk completely humiliated themselves by playing a song about Satan after opener Speared Side had already covered the…
DENVER — A devastating 12-1 loss incurred by the Colorado Rockies at the hands of the Milwaukee Brewers was completely overshadowed by the DJ playing…
RALEIGH, N.C. — Local punk thrashers Suet are using Bandcamp’s ability to send email notifications disproportionately to the level of interest garnered by their music,…
LINKÖPING, Sweden — An American punk backpacking through Europe reportedly refused to learn simple key phrases for the countries he is visiting, opting instead to…
MUNCIE, Ind. — Local 29-year-old Reema Cordero was alarmed to find that her recently official new boyfriend has a sex mix that is reportedly only…
ITHACA, N.Y. — Tenants of a local punk house solved their issue of not having a working doorbell by smashing a huge hole into the…
PARMA, Ohio — Local lummox Andrew Creosote felt a vague sense of accomplishment Tuesday morning when he uncharacteristically stood up triggering a congratulatory message from…
BUFFALO, N.Y. — A stunning rendition of The Beatles’ 1965 hit “Yesterday” by busker Alan Wentzel was completely overshadowed by an unhoused man masturbating in…
PUEBLO, Colo. — Metalhead James Kingor concluded that it’s just easier to let his family think he’s goth instead of constantly explaining the intricacies of…