DENVER — A song by local fantasy metal band Ölüm is reportedly not even close to being over, despite entering its sixth minute a few…
ATLANTA — A flyer posted on the corkboard of Criminal Records announced that local metal band Fierce Fire is holding auditions for a new guitarist,…
GRAYSLAKE, Ill. — Metal fans and cosplay enthusiasts had no idea that a city administrator for the Lake County Fairgrounds accidentally double-booked the Northern Illinois…
Maybe it’s unfair to blame Slayer for their fans’ wild, destructive behavior but it is an undisputed fact that every single Slayer fan is an…
LEIPZIG, Germany — Thrash metal stalwarts Anthrax are “pretty surprised” to be considered one of thrash metal’s “legendary Big Four,” the band members admitted backstage…
WASHINGTON — Presidents Donald Trump and Bill Clinton both denied reports today claiming they were backstage at Warped Tour ’97 partying and “checking out the…
BECKETT RIDGE, Ohio — Suburban punk Adam Kincaid spotted yesterday an unopened, full price and unexpired package of Sargento string cheese at his friend’s house,…
RIDGEWOOD, N.Y. — Music fan Peter Brooks still can not determine if the Kapos, a punk band he recently discovered, harbors racist views, despite multiple…
BANGOR, Maine — A punk show scheduled for 7 p.m. last night at Lobster Prison is currently 10 hours past the expected start time, while…
DETROIT — A group of squatting punks became unwitting participants in the eternal struggle of man-versus-nature last week, as each side fought to reclaim an…
JACKSON, Miss. — Loyal Smiths fan Jaden Woods is desperately pushing a conspiracy theory that the real Morrissey died decades ago, and the politically controversial…
BALTIMORE — Local karaoke enthusiasts were shocked last night to learn that the words to Cosmic Dinosaur’s hit single “Let’s Stop Going” were significantly worse…
SAN ANTONIO — A friend informed you today during a visit to your hometown that she finally listened to Breaking Benjamin, a band you suggested…
CHICAGO — Riot Fest organizers announced today that this year’s festival will be headlined by all past iterations of Andrew W.K. performing together, as the…
MILWAUKEE — Local scene mainstay Ynez “Nezzy” Martin could not recall the band they had just seen play last week after receiving a head injury…