NEW YORK — Inventor and former Weezer fan Dr. Stanley Tankowitz successfully time travelled last week to September 10, 2001, to warn Americans that Weezer…
DENVER — Local punk Zane Winslow Jr. claimed today that although he is named after his father and is familiar with his father’s existence, he…
LOS ANGELES — Blink-182 bassist Mark Hoppus confirmed today his jealousy of former bandmate Tom DeLonge’s frequent contact with extraterrestrials, secretly wishing even just one…
PORTLAND, Maine. — The intro track of doom metal band Bleak Altar’s newest album is either an “artful, slow burn” or “complete waste of 12…
PARAMUS, N.J. — Musician Dan Beck has been repeatedly playing the same part of the Pavement song “Silence Kid” in a local Guitar Center throughout…
NEWPORT BEACH, Calif. — Sugar Ray vocalist and TV personality Mark McGrath admitted today that he now embraces being called “Sugar Gay” after years of…
JACKSONVILLE, Fla. — Pop-punk frontman and legal adult Brandon DeMarco combed through his teen girlfriend’s diary last night for inspiration, in a desperate attempt to…
[Ed note: Leaving the Iggy Pop obit in the draft folder. Great idea to get this written up ahead of time. I mean, have you…
DUBLIN — A local moron obviously blind to his own idiocy stood around last night with a brand-new Gildan shirt wadded up in his clammy…
SAN FRANCISCO — Local adventurer Melissa Carter will leave her base camp by the big water jug on the bar later this evening to go…
PEORIA, Ill. — Local guitarist Matt Carlton asked his Sweetwater sales rep today to be in his wedding as his best man in a truly…
NEW YORK — Columbia Records announced on Friday they will be teaming up with Banana Republic to press Vampire Weekend’s new Father of the Bride…
ATLANTA — Local drummer Drew Mooney plans to sit around and just go fuck himself for the next few weeks as other members of his…
TRENTON, N.J. — Local hardcore band Open Sesame debuted a unique and unprecedented combination of tunings at their inaugural show last night, witnesses who lamented…
It is a historical fact that Andrew Jackson was a shit-eating bag of limp dicks and prolapsed buttholes. As a punk publication, the Hard Times…