TRENTON, N.J. — A routine court proceeding was unexpectedly disrupted this week when Nicky “Needles” St. James only stated “not guilty” from the jury selection…
BALTIMORE — Local punks are reportedly confused and intrigued by a cryptic show flyer circulating that features an image of Ronald Reagan having sex with…
ROUND ROCK, Texas — Interactive storytelling fans were disappointed this week by a new choose-your-own-adventure novel that promised the opportunity to see through the eyes…
BUFFALO, N.Y. — A recent study by a research group of hardcore frontmen found that the pain of childbirth is almost as bad as the…
ATLANTA — Local metal guy and Violet Wonder guitarist Jeff Glover is “fucking terrible” at pleasuring women with his hands despite his well-known abilities to…
FLUSHING, N.Y. — A Valentine’s Day dinner shared by post-hardcore couple Jeff Casey and Allie Morgan escalated into an all-out screaming argument before suddenly breaking…
MOORE, Okla. — Local drummer Henry Cortez confirmed last night that he “totally knows” what sex is, and only asked a series of misguided questions…
I don’t drink, smoke, or go on the Internet and look at naked people. But I’ve got one addiction: Christian music. Whether I’m swaying along…
LONDON — Legendary Led Zeppelin guitarist Jimmy Page is releasing his “totally original” and “not-at-all stolen” life story this month, entitled Black Mamba Voodoo Jive…
One unfortunate part of being a fan of older music is that some of it has aged rather poorly. Certain songs that were totally acceptable…
LOS ANGELES — In an effort to bolster declining viewership, the six-time Super Bowl-winning New England Patriots will perform during the Grammy Awards’ halftime show…
PORTLAND, Ore. — Vivid Nightmare frontman Liam Flaherty is unsure whether his 15 years participating in his local hardcore scene served to his benefit or utter…
LODI, N.J. — Local punk band Bobby Mahoney and the Seventh Son announced today ticket presales for their upcoming tour, including a $50 “no meet…