LOS ANGELES — Popular rock band Imagine Dragons announced today that they scrapped their upcoming album “Explosion” when they realized none of the tracks could…
BETHESDA, Md. — Local woman Tabitha Wicksham is “not at all worried” about her husband sleeping with groupies during his cover band’s upcoming tour, citing…
Prepare to be inspired, kinda. Yeah, mostly. Prepare to have your mind blown by this story of courage, tenacity, and mediocre outcomes. It’s still a…
MEMPHIS, Tenn. — Local man Garret Bergeron asked a Bizarro Records store clerk yesterday if she validated opinions before he purchased a stack of new…
CHICAGO — Local pervert Tommy Webster was surprised to discover yesterday a band named after mannequin pussy, his favorite fetish in the world, peeved out…
OMAHA, Neb. — Frontman/songwriter of folk/punk trio Astor tried to write lyrics as haiku poetry, but kept messing up the last line, sources confirm. “I’ve…
I’m trying to think of this emo band but I just can’t remember their name. They were huge in the early 2000s and their music…
LOS ANGELES — The number of new recruits joining Tiger Army has reached an all-time low, according to numbers released today by the Tiger Armed…
EL PASO, Texas — The legal team at Williams & Ruprecht was stunned today when a seemingly normal stack of divorce papers devolved into outright…
HOUSTON — Self-proclaimed “bad boy of outer space” Willis McReady cost the National Aeronautics and Space Administration approximately $3.4 million last week, cutting the sleeves…
BOSTON — Local record store owner Hank Lapkus is an anxious mess lately, spending every day hoping his customers don’t find out about the popular…
LITTLE ROCK, Ark. — Cabs, heads, and amplifiers of all kinds outnumbered attendees for a weeknight doom metal show last night at local bar Jimmy’s…
STAFFORD, Texas — 59-year-old custom bathroom tile salesman John Canales was shocked to learn from his punk son yesterday that he would be 413 in…
KINGSTON, Jamaica — An ocean liner hosting the 311 Caribbean Festival Cruise struck a reef off the coast of Jamaica yesterday, spilling nearly 11 million…
TRENTON, N.J. — Part-time dad and full-time punk Cody Heckyls discovered yesterday, when seeking flu remedies for his two-year-old son, that Pedialyte offers a kid-friendly…