NEW YORK — Popular disco group the Village People announced they had severed ties with Victor Willis, better known as the Cop from the Village…
Breaking news in anarcho-grammar, specifically the all too common saying, “Buffalo buffalo Buffalo buffalo buffalo buffalo Buffalo cops are all bastards.” Top Antifa grammarians recently…
NEW YORK — Local undercover cop Daniel Cleary accidentally revealed himself as law enforcement during the protests surrounding the murder of George Floyd at the…
The other day I’m down in Pioneer Forest Preserve minding my own business, doing my thing. Next thing you know this family comes up to…
Sup’ corona-crotches! So you’re stuck in your house and you can’t go anywhere. You’ve been cooped up so long now your hair has gone from…
LOS ANGELES — Local punk and tall guy Michael Snyder replaced standing in front of his short girlfriend Anna Nelson at shows with standing in…
LANSING, Mich. — A new punk census surveyed scenes across the nation gauging the health of local DIY communities, and alarmingly found the numbers everywhere…
BOSTON — Ska legends The Mighty Mighty Bosstones announced today that they will reopen for business this week at 50% capacity by furloughing their horn…
LOS ANGELES — Local woman Mattie Foster, known for her drunken outbursts at shows, is now simply loud and wasted at home due to Los…
The Harry Potter series has produced some of the most popular and beloved epic novels and films in history. Likewise, Anal Cunt, beloved Massachusetts grindcore…
WASHINGTON — Governors from all 50 states agreed that shelter-in-place orders would firmly remain on your shitty band as the rest of the country sees…
BLUE ISLAND, Ill. — Local father Lucas Carroll is doing his best to homeschool his children during coronavirus stay-at-home orders, even though his area of…
I want my budding love life to be as exciting and effortless as my tuning of choice, open D. I’m thirsty for endless D, musically…
CHICAGO — Local goth Raven Stevens spent her entire savings on new clothes yesterday after an attempt to eat a powdered donut backfired catastrophically, a…
LOS ANGELES — Indie musician RGRT could not solve a single “Wheel of Fortune” puzzle during last week’s taping because he did not buy a…