NEW YORK — New safe injection site, Harm Reduction and Education Center, was deemed “fascist” by Marcus “Scuzz” Benitez after refusing to let him put…
OKLAHOMA CITY — Your horny aunt Gladys created an air of tension after expressing a deep and carnal interest in your Type O Negative shirt…
We were stoked when we saw a flyer for a reunion show from our favorite ironycore-turned- sinceritycore band, “Modern Baseball.” We couldn’t believe they were…
MASSAPEQUA, N.Y. — Self-proclaimed “experimental indie” band True Friction are horrified to see that their “Related Artists” tab on Spotify is populated by pop-punk and…
WASHINGTON — President Biden downplayed the failures of his infrastructure and voting rights bills earlier today and instead took full credit for the impressive nostalgic…
ROCHESTER, N.Y. — Extremely circumspect spray paint addict, Calvin Roberts, is said to be back to wiping down his cans before inhaling them recreationally out…
We all make mistakes. No matter how large or small, in most situations, they can be forgiven. The factor that determines forgiveness in all shades…
PITTSBURGH — The men’s room toilet at Skelly’s Tavern is seeking treatment after going through a dark period and hopes this is the year it…
BOSTON — Millennial and GenZ show-goers broke out into a fight after a disagreement on whether local punk band Alone Vera ripped or slapped during…
HAGERSTOWN, Md. — Local father Ron Merchant bought his daughter a record player so that the family’s hundreds of old vinyl albums would become her…
SACRAMENTO, Calif. — Sales representative and aging pop-punk Dave Castello was appalled to discover that a frequently visited corner lot in his hometown was converted…
LOS ANGELES -— Local punk Martin McGinnis became wistful and teary-eyed while reminiscing about the time he met punk legend Henry Rollins at a GNC…
DAYTON, Ohio – Local man Jesse Clingman found himself unimpressed and longing for a friend to direct his complaints after viewing the entirety of Peter…
TACOMA, Wash. — Local punk band Dungeons and Koalas applied their optimistic mindset to see a completely empty venue during their set as half full,…
LOS ANGELES — Incubus was voted the Most Popular Band for People Who Almost Did Shrooms Once for the 21st consecutive year in an unofficial…