SEATTLE – An enormous black hole sun capable of devouring the entire world and casting it into the void would come a lot faster if…
SYRACUSE, N.Y. — Local music enthusiast Derek Barnett was struck with embarrassment after stumbling across a Spotify playlist he created only twenty-one days earlier, sources…
PHILADELPHIA — Several fans braced for embarrassment at a local extreme metal show Saturday night when the frontman of black metal band Blürgnorff walked out…
CAMDEN, N.J. — Local bass player Conor Lenihan is in critical condition after being beaten mercifully by his bandmates for releasing a statement regarding the…
SAN BERNARDINO, Calif. — Lifelong punk and mother of three Annette “Annarchy” Gustavson reportedly insisted that her entire family exhaustively trash their home before company…
MINNEAPOLIS — Local goth Matilda Flowers spent the afternoon wistfully staring at a pair of crows eating a pile of Funyuns next to a dumpster…
AUSTIN, Texas — Pantera announced their upcoming reunion tour will feature a hologram version of Confederate president Jefferson Davis emceeing every show, sources who couldn’t…
NEW YORK — Legendary Talking Heads frontman David Byrne awoke full of terror last night when he once again dreamed he was performing in only…
BAKERSFIELD, Calif. — The music scene was left reeling yesterday after a contingency of neoliberal punks suggested meeting Nazi punks halfway on a multitude of…
MESA, Ariz. — Local punk band Forkscrew set expectations high and did not meet them when they walked out to Saves the Day’s classic thrasher…
WOONSOCKET, R.I. — Local dad and moderator of the “Rhode Island Primus Alliance” Facebook group Chester Bakersfield admitted to keeping more photos of basses in…
MESA, Ariz. — Members of Jimmy Eat World posted a video on their official Instagram page formally apologizing for their 2001 hit single “The Middle,”…
MIAMI — Legendary punk icon and notoriously topless frontman Iggy Pop turned heads the other day after wearing a shirt in the pool at a…
NEW YORK — Seasoned review writer, and so-called ‘realist,’ Gio Moreland struggled for several days to find the stars pictured in NASA’s newest images from…
HARRISBURG, Penn. — Local human disaster Jason Melvin recently managed to pull a complete 180 in every aspect of his previously pointless existence with the…