Recently Stacey posted that she is about to purge her friends list and only the REAL people who ACTUALLY care about her are going to be left.
But DON’T PANIC! I’ve survived this sort of culling from Stacey in the past and if you follow my advice you’re sure to make the cut!
Rule number one with a bullet: You have to let her know that you cannot STAND drama and that you will not tolerate having any of it in your life. The best way to do this is to let everyone on your friends list know this about once a week. Here is an example of what to say.
“I AM DONE WITH ALL OF THE DRAMA AND ANYONE WHO HAS A PROBLEM WITH IT
CAN COME SAY IT TO MY FUCKING FACE IN PUBLIC”
OK, you’ve got Stacey’s curiosity. Now it’s time to really get her attention. First, start a relationship with someone. Go ahead, I’ll wait.
OK now that you are in a relationship everyone will need constant updates. This next step is CRUCIAL to staying in Stacey’s good graces. Wait for something to go wrong in your relationship, (usually between 3-12 hours,) and the moment it does make sure to post about it with as few details as possible.
Here’s an example of escalating a situation that a fake ass person would keep to themselves.
“SO TIRED OF ALL OF THE BULLSHIT THERE IS NO WAY THAT MY BEHAVIOR HAS CAUSED ANY OF THIS“
This should clear things up about you and send a message to potential future partners all while letting Stacey know that you are genuinely trying.
Lastly, jump to conclusions. This is hands down the best way to be prepared for everything life has to throw at you. If you assume a vague post is about you well then it absolutely is. This will let Stacey and everyone else know that you are not messing around and that your head is always on a swivel.
Follow all of these directions and you will maintain your status as a drama free genuine person who can dwindle most of life’s problems down to an inspirational meme. You will have to excuse me now as I have to go like Stacey’s latest status. It looks like she is selling RayBan sunglasses now!