Here at Hard Style we like to get laid. Big time! When you satirize punk culture, men and women are constantly, sometimes involuntarily, thrusting their loins in your direction.
Because of our extensive experience with pleasures of the flesh, we know well all the wet-sponge-slapping-uncooked-pork sounds, pinkish stains, and most of the smells of love making. And we definitely know what butts and boobs feel like. Plus, we’re really good at doing it, too.
A few of us have even done every position. Yep, you’ve read that correctly. We’ve done that one position and also the other one, too.
And sure, they’re both top-notch. But which sex position is truly the best?
To find out, us Hard Style studs spent hours debating and compiling a definitive list ranking every sex position — from #2 all the way down to #1:
2. “The Boy Climbs on Top” position
Who doesn’t love some “Boy Climbs on Top,” or as us non-virgins call it, “BCOT.” Of course you don’t rush into a BCOT sesh. First, the male presents several trinkets to the female, then performs an erotic dance to demonstrate his virility.
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And as every pound town resident already knows, the best part is when the guy moves his hips a bunch until he pees inside the lady. It’s not even scary or anything! Out of the only two sex positions ever invented, this is definitely our second favorite.
1. “The Girl Does All the Stuff” position
Sorry, ladies. But now it’s the fellas turn! Boy Climbs on Top is surely a tasty treat, but coming in at #1 with a bullet, we have got to go with the position where the girl does all the stuff. This one has everything! Rubbing, gyrating, jostling, staring at each other’s bathing suit areas. And yeah, it gets real gamey down there — just like us sexperts like it. Sometimes the lady even puts her mouth on it. Which, of course, feels like when you put your thing in your mom’s vacuum and set it to “shag carpet.” As a guy who has had lots of sex before, this position is easily top banana.