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My Girlfriend and I Are Doing the Long Distance Relationship Thing Because That’s What the Restraining Order Clearly Specifies

Throughout the years my girlfriend and I have had our ups and downs, our good times and bad times. That’s just the ebb and flow of any relationship, right? But recently, our love has been put to the ultimate test: long distance.

As declared by the local district court on Thursday, my love and I are to live a minimum of three states apart, or about 500 miles. This will be tough, no doubt, but if we can make it through this, we can make it through anything.

I know this is only another mere hiccup in our story.

There have been times in our, what some may call, “turbulent” history that we overcame obstacles such as this. Like when my dear love thought it best to, “date other people because you creep me out.” I knew this was her coy way of asking me to, “threaten all the other men in my life, including my father” and, “leave me voicemails of heavy breathing.”

Or the time that my buttercup changed her phone number? Clearly she was testing the limits of my affection to see if I was a worthy mate. Starting from 000-0000, I dialed every single seven-digit phone number combination until I got through to her new land line. This Romeo does not give up so easily when confronted with a predicament!

Oh, how we will laugh when we tell our grandkids about the time grandpa valiantly sorted through grandma’s trash while she slept to find strands of her hair or other goodies.

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This physical separation will be tough, but I, forever the optimist, believe the miles between us are only a construct, and with enough determination, loyalty, and a lifesize plaster model of my love, we will prevail.  

And so I say to Judge Meyers and each summoned member of the jury, you can try your best to keep us apart, with your, “laws” and, “restraining orders” and, “house arrests” and, “GPS tracking devices” and, “name changes” and, “new addresses” and, “police surveillance” and, “psychotherapy”, but TRUE LOVE WILL WIN IN THE END!