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Epic Win: All She Took was The Kids

Honestly, you guys all need to quit your whining because divorce is much easier than people make it out to be. Just look at me; I got to keep all of our cool stuff, and all my ex wife took was custody of our children!

I truly can’t think of a better deal! Not only do I get to keep the house, I also get to keep a bunch of other cool stuff like our hot tub and our pool table. All it costs me is a sizeable monthly alimony and the inability to be a part of my children’s lives; what a steal!

I admittedly was apprehensive at first. Everyone I talked to about it told me that it was a soul crushing process that left everyone involved emotionally and financially exhausted.

After having gone through it myself, all I can say is that I would love to try what these people were smoking, because you would have to be high off your ass to not enjoy turning what was once your son’s bedroom into your own private dojo!

Before the divorce, I barely had anytime to do anything I actually liked because of my lame-o kids. Now that I’m a bachelor again, I can dedicate more of my time to hanging out with the boys.

Just the other day I had my friends Lenny and Brian over to my bachelor pad for an absolute rage, but they both had to leave a little early to spend time with their families. When they said that I was all like “Welcome to lame island, population: you two.”

Some people will tell you that family is what matter most, and that parenthood is one of the most fulfilling and rewarding experiences a person can have. I’ll bet those same losers have never felt the rush of going to a Jimmy Buffet concert alone. Divorce is awesome!

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