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It’s Been Four Fucking Years and I’m Still Waiting for Someone to Tag me in The ALS Ice Bucket Challenge!

Are there any heroes out there? Am I the only one left?

If so, they need to get off their ass and tag me in an ALS Ice Bucket Challenge Video. We all have to chip in, so I’m gonna need someone serious about fighting ALS to say my name at the end of a video so I can help before it’s too late.

I’ve got some disease fighting to do but it seems these selfish assholes don’t want me to be a part of the cure. Guess what? I’m not going anywhere.

Do you know how many of these videos I’ve watched? Hundreds! And no, I’m not just skipping to the end to see if anyone tags me at this point, because then ALS wins!

I’ve had to rewrite my introduction speech dozens of times as everyone on my nominating list kept getting picked by other people. It’s not fair. At one point, all I had left to nominate was my grandmother and grandfather. He ended up dying, and grandma did one where her entire nursing home made a video. They didn’t even use ice. They blew bubbles. LAME!

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Meanwhile, I went out and bought the best video camera I could. The clerk was all, “what do you want the camera for? Getting into film? Sketch comedy? Documentaries?”

“ALS, Motherfucker,” I said. She was all like huh? “I’m gonna make the best video yet as soon as someone tags me. Hashtag never forget.”

This chick tells me I can just donate the money without the video, but I’m like, “hey, do you want this sale or not? Do you want Best Buy to know you’re trying to talk me out of spending money for a good cause?”

I even signed up for Crossfit so I could be jacked in my video. Maybe even inspire more people to be their best selves? Over the holidays, my Crossfit gym held a fundraiser for Diabetes. Did I participate? Fuck no. Just because you all have given up on ALS it doesn’t mean that I have.

I’m going to keep fighting and never give up hope that someday we find a video where I’m tagged and we can take one giant step closer toward finding a cure to what I’m sure is a terrible disease!

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