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🔒 The Top 5 Comments on Hard Drive Articles This Week

In the history of the internet, comments have had a great deal of bad press. Comment sections in the past have enabled people to spout any nonsense they want, or pollute the entire space with declarations of ‘first!’ Yet, a closed comment section is the sign of an insecure creator who cannot handle the voices of the people.

That’s why for this week’s article, we aren’t just highlighting the funniest comments, we’re starting off by showing how our readers help us:

5. Review: Battletoads Is Another Perfect Game for the Pandemic Like the Last 10 Games We’ve Played

Did you notice that this headline has the typo “tor” in it? Because everyone on Twitter sure did.

With just one tweet, Hard Drive’s editorial team grew three sizes that day. Thank you to everyone who commented and used the power of collective, constructive shame to make us even better. Like most gamers, we mash through dialogue in games, so spelling is not our strong suit. That changes today though, because from hereon it will be mandatory for all Hard Drive staff to 100% Mavis Beacon Teaches Typing. 

This is what holding journalists accountable looks like.

4. Novelty Zelda Wallet Only Holds a Maximum of $99

Make sure to get a wallet chain for this one folks, you don’t want someone to run off with all of your savings. Don’t forget some fingerless gloves, so it looks extra cool when you buy cuties drinks from a vending machine at your community college. If you want to fully dedicate yourself, you should get a triforce tattoo as well—not a big one of course, you are still going to need some cash to top off the gas in your mom’s Kia Soul.

3. New Podcast ‘My Least Favorite Murder’ Discusses Death of Host’s Wife

“Just enter the coupon code ‘mywife’ to get this special offer! Haha ‘my wife’ like Borat… and, of course, my wife, the subject of this podcast — may God rest her soul. Anyway, Audible dot com. I have a lot of ‘me’ time lately, as you can imagine, and putting on an audiobook is the perfect way to pretend I’m not laying in bed alone. It’s an almost perfect service; I just wish I could sort voices by gender… Again, that’s coupon code ‘mywife’… that way I never forget it.”

2. Call of Duty: Black Ops Cold War Lobby Just Two Opposing Teams Threatening to Start Match

Activision is excited to announce their newest free-to-play offshoot, Call of Duty: Proxy War! Experience all the fun of staging a coup and installing puppet rulers, to earn big points for America. It’s truly the hardest Call of Duty yet, because no matter how well you play, you’ll always lose. Finally some realism in video games!

1. Activision put a President in a Game, but that’s not what America wants. They want a Gamer who’s a President.

In the interest of being respectful, Hard Drive would like to state that while we may not like certain policies, we do ultimately appreciate the Grim Reaper taking Regan to hell and will not hold it against them for not taking him sooner. 

After reading all of these, I honestly like you, the commenters, have turned comments sections around for me. They’re a vital way for communities to support artists, have input into the things they love, and mercilessly shame content creators the instant they step out of line—as they should. Tor.

If you want to make it into this column, just leave us a funny comment on social media! There are no rules—not even the kind that exclude dogs. See you next week!