You’re standing alone at the family get together. Your little cousin walks up to you and makes eye contact and… yep, god dammit, he wants to tell you about the new FIFA.
Can you pull off a polite but distant conversation?
“You still play games, right?”
Yeah. Good ones.
Finding time to play is harder and harder lately, but yeah totally I still enjoy them.
Yep, I still do. Remember when we played PS2 at Grandma’s Christmas party that one time?
Mmhmm.
Correct!
Wrong!
“You play FIFA?”
Nah man.
Sports sims are fun, haven’t played much FIFA though...I play a lot of indies, experimental stuff. Working on a visual novel right now.
I played it once, with you actually, on PS2. You were really good. Remember that?
Mmnnn.
Correct!
Wrong!
“The new FIFA is so awesome man.”
Really? Probably just the same as the last one except like...loot boxes or some shit.
I don’t watch much soccer or like supporting EA but I bet it’s really fun! What’s it like?
Better than the PS2 version?
Mmm?
Correct!
Wrong!
“They added Champions League. It’s epic, dude.”
Sounds exactly the same as before, if I'm being honest.
Wow, very exciting! Is that like...ranked online play or what?
That sure wasn’t in the PS2 version! Haha! Or uh, was it?
Mmmmm...
Correct!
Wrong!
"The story mode is actually awesome dude."
Haha! What? You’re a guy who plays soccer. That’s it. That’s the whole story. Plus they’ve stretched it out over three years! Are you kidding me? You gotta pay $180 to find out if the soccer guy wins soccer. A story that’s actually worth playing is, you’re the billionaires that own the World Cup and you gotta figure out how to hastily construct a stadium while killing as few laborers as possible.
Wow, no kidding. Didn’t realize a game like that had a story. It’s so cool how games let you experience so many different types of narratives.
The PS2 game didn’t have that, I don’t think. I mean we only played multiplayer for a couple hours there but uh... yeah that sounds cool.
Nice.
Correct!
Wrong!
"Plus they revamped teammates AI and now you can coordinate plays so you don’t get ganked on a simple corner-kick off-the-ball run.”
Quake solved that problem years ago.
Damn! That’s really, uh, robust?
A lot sure has changed since the PS2 days, man. Games for sure, but life, too. That’s for sure. Makes ya think.
Mmm.
Correct!
Wrong!
“You gotta get it man, we can play online. It’s only $60, plus the DLC.”
We had this exact same conversation last year at the Christmas party. I will never get this game. Not the new one, not an old one, none of them. Soccer sucks.
Maybe! You’ve almost sold me. The AI, the graphics, all that sounds really cool. I mostly play shooters — do you play Fortnite?
Yeah man, that’d be nice. I feel like since Grandma died we hardly see each other anymore, so that’s a great idea! I’ll probably need you to show me how to play again but that’d be great, plus we can voice chat too!
Mmm. Mmm mmm mmm. Something to think about for sure. Bye now.
Correct!
Wrong!
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QUIZ: Can You Have a Polite But Distant Conversation With Your Cousin Who Only Plays FIFA?
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But I'm also %%personality%%
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