SEATTLE — Local dog and apparent vegan Noodles reportedly remains unaware of the dietary restrictions forced upon her by her well-meaning owner, confused sources report.…
I’ve been doomed upon this fate for many of years. Sure, I may look powerful with my crystal ball and steed, but I assure you…
Aries (March 21-April 19) Aries is known as the most adventurous of all the zodiac. While your bravery and risky behavior is applauded by some,…
HILO, Hawaii — A recent string of attacks on tourists attending DIY punk shows in various parts of Hawaii has been linked to a brutal…
The moment is over. Poof! Done. Gone. Bang! Actually, scratch that last one. Either way, you just missed your chance to talk about gun control.…
IRVINE, Calif. — Youth pastor Doug McCabe casually mentioned yesterday that he had a friend who was “a real punk rocker, and his name is…
DALLAS — Local punk and father of three Andrew Semple reportedly allowed his underage son Andy, Jr. the privilege of sharing “just one” huff of…
SAN FRANCISCO — A crudely made oil and watercolor painting on the wall of Revelry Coffee Roasters has a reported sale price of $750 fucking…
AUSTIN, Texas — Local punk Brittany Metz stopped dead in her tracks in front of a Gap store earlier today upon seeing a display of…
BOSTON — Time traveler and anti-robot resistance leader Trent Mendez, sent from the future to warn humanity about an impending artificial intelligence uprising, was dismissed…
So apparently some of the dudes on Arrested Development have some issues. It’s definitely unfortunate and disappointing to hear all this negativity surrounding the show,…
Aries (March 21-April 19) Cool it, Aries. Just because you watched Childish Gambino’s “This Is America” once doesn’t mean anyone gives a shit about the…
SAN ANTONIO — Aspiring musician Josh Sánchez’s trusty Jim Dunlop guitar pick is reportedly securely lodged in an auxiliary compartment of his wallet “just in…
Really? You want to be that guy with the homemade guitar? Ok, well I’m not going to tell you how to live your life. Here’s…
ATLANTA — Netflix subscriber Christina Hyeon’s Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt marathon was interrupted last night by a message announcing that the service “doesn’t give a fuck…