BOSTON — Known felon and frequent assaulter Mark Wahlberg officially commemorated the opening of the newest Wahlburgers restaurant by kicking the shit out of some…
ATLANTA — Executives at Norfolk Southern Railway and many other rail owners around the nation are reacting to the environmental crisis following a train derailment…
MODESTO, Calif. — Resident Crocodile Club DJ Ronald “DJ Pelham123” McVorland is reportedly convinced that no one in the venue can tell that he is…
WASHINGTON — President Biden called for a nationwide moment of silence and contemplation after the stock price of the Norfolk Southern Corporation (NYSE: NSC) sharply…
HOUSTON — Local vaper Chris Garcia finally hyped himself up enough to hang out with a group of cigarette smokers outside of a punk show…
EAST LANSING, Mich. — New York Republican representative George Santos reportedly empathized with the families of the victims of the mass shooting at Michigan State…
AUSTIN, Texas — Local hardcore band Good Damage headlined a packed Valentine’s Day show that some are calling “the worst date ever,” sources redownloading Tinder…
CALGARY, Alberta — Local woman Deirdre McPhee is under the false impression that the lame love song her guitar-wielding boyfriend just sang to her was…
LOS ANGELES — Netflix announced they plan on adapting an English language version of the hugely successfully Korean drama “Squid Game” which will depart from…
LOCK HAVEN, Pa. — Residents of the central Pennsylvania town of Lock Haven are freaking the fuck out that a new Panera Bread location is…
SINGAPORE – Crypto.com CEO Kris Marszalek announced the commercials his company runs at this year’s Super Bowl will act as a Public Service Announcement to…
PHILADELPHIA — Point Breeze crust punk Jett Cordova is reportedly delighted to riot regardless of whether or not the Eagles win Super Bowl LVII, sources…
NEW YORK — Lifelong Neutral Milk Hotel fan Connor Hardin recently purchased the band’s new vinyl box set online only to be surprised that the…
BOILING SPRINGS, Penn. — Police corporal Stu Plansey geared up for another long, grueling day of sitting idle in his squad car at a local…
I know I’m a little bit behind the times on this – I mean, that game came out like ten years ago and somehow I…