When is this band gonna go on already? I didn’t even wanna go to this show but I got myself up and dressed because I…
CHICAGO — Noted rhythm-and-blues singer Robert Sylvester “R.” Kelly announced the impending release of an all-new hostage today, undercover police sources confirmed from inside Kelly’s…
In our never-ending quest to uplift and heal ourselves, it’s easy to get overwhelmed by all the different types of self-care that exist: from drinking…
CHICAGO — Polite and respectful punk Jimmy Arano “did the right thing” at a house party last weekend by slightly moving a small pile of…
ST. PAUL, Minn. — Mathcore band The David Hilbert Filter Box has successfully converted the harsh 6.2 Pitchfork review of their debut EP into a…
JAKARTA, Indonesia — The uncontacted people of the Teriku tribe are the last-known living humans yet to hear of Banksy’s self-destructing painting stunt from earlier…
BOSTON — Raw Sex guitarist Steve Dyer hopes to land a “fucking awesome” photo of him playing at a show later tonight to potentially serve…
MEDINA, Minn. – Julio Anderson tore a substantial hole in the crotch of his jeans early Thursday evening while skateboarding at a local park, amused…
Remember when Elon Musk smoked weed on Joe Rogan’s podcast? Yeah you do, but BARELY. If you had to take even a moment to remember,…
ALBUQUERQUE, N.M. — Self-described horror nerd Jackie Pagán will celebrate the Halloween season with a month-long news intake marathon, empathetic onlookers confirmed. “I used to…
BOSTON — Iconic shoe company Converse announced today a limited-edition line of their famous All-Star sneakers, pre-duct taped together and scribbled on with Sharpie markers,…
KANSAS CITY, Mo. — Local political activist Bridget Wakefield has been working tirelessly within her community to raise public awareness about the little-known fact that…
SALT LAKE CITY — Local anarchist Vance Rover, known for carrying a sign reading “Eat The Rich” at every protest in the greater Salt Lake…
ANN ARBOR, Mich. — Hedonistic rocker Andrew W.K held a press conference today to address accusations that his stage persona may be a “gimmick,” releasing…
WASHINGTON — Tiffany Trump, daughter of President Donald Trump, received her very first text message from her father earlier today, sources close to the First…