ENUMCLAW, Wash. — Local lovey-dovey punk Geoff Bayweather took his partner by complete surprise after serving her a traditional breakfast in mattress on the floor,…
COLUMBUS – Self-proclaimed anti-capitalist, James McCarthy, expressed his true feelings for his long-term partner by forgetting it’s Valentine’s Day for the fourth year in a…
LAKEWOOD, Ohio — One-time Lakewood High School football legend Jaime Garner made the long and treacherous journey back to his hometown mere days after graduating…
SACRAMENTO, Calif. — Local man Will Chalke shared his health-conscious drinking regime this morning, noting that – in order to keep himself in check –…
LOS ANGELES — Production of two new “Mission Impossible” films came to a grinding halt after Tom Cruise received news that dictator of the galactic…
EVANSTON, Ill. — Economists at North Western University published a new study this week showing a single parent of two must distribute their collective bargaining…
LAS VEGAS — Organizers of the When We Were Young Festival announced that they have set aside 700 parking spots specifically for teens waiting to…
NEW YORK — A local dry cleaner called Talking Heads frontman David Byrne this morning informing him that they still have the giant suit he…
ATHENS, Tenn. — Punks across Tennessee sifting through dumpsters for “perfectly good food” are inadvertently becoming the most well-educated people in America thanks to multiple…
COOKEVILLE, Tenn. — Cautious guitarist Samuel Tollins is almost ready to fart near his new Fender American Professional II Stratocaster after three months of being…
CARBONDALE, Ill. — Area woman Meg Sebastian conceded that she would “check out Primus” in a desperate bid to end what she would later call…
MUNCIE, Ind. — A local man’s brush with death after drunkenly falling from a third-story balcony on Tuesday inspired him to quit drinking for the…
NEW YORK — Percussion enthusiast Jeffery Saunders was disturbed to discover his new electronic drum kit let out sounds of sexual excitement each time his…
NEW YORK — An air of mystery and excitement pervaded CEO Daniel Ek’s office as he was delivered a gift basket of elk meat and…
RICHMOND — Local cyclist, Peter Williams, survived a collision with an unoccupied van parked on a heavily-trafficked street late this morning thanks to his bicycle…