EDEN — God, the almighty, omnipresent being responsible for the creation of life itself, finally confirmed that he removed Adam’s rib primarily so Adam could…
WHEATON, Ill. — The intimate detail given by Pastor Ryan Landry at the wedding of Lauren Frey and Michael Dent led wedding attendees to conclude…
LAS VEGAS — Local punk Andrew “RatFink” Haseley was recently offered a cool $300 by the hit History Channel show “Pawn Stars” under the condition…
ATLANTA — Local woman Anna Valentina shared Monday that the most redeeming aspect of being polyamorous is having the freedom to stay open to a…
CAMBRIDGE, Mass. — Behavioral scientists at the Massachusetts Institute of Technology announced a breakthrough discovery of a theoretical fourth option for occupying a person’s hands…
SEATTLE — Former ladies’ man Ethan Morrison ushered in a new, glorious era today in which he will show respect for exactly one woman, revealing…
Released in 1994, Little Giants is the classic underdog story of a misfit football team overcoming the odds to defeat their more talented opponents with…
CHICAGO — Legendary scene veteren Brent “Possum” Donello ended his punk phase with the ritual purchase of a queen-size Belgian Flax linen duvet cover from…
FLEMINGTON, NJ. — Local sociopath and deranged serial killer Parker Greene enthusiastically pulled 20 teeth out of the front pocket of a pair of jeans…
SEATTLE — Beloved Christmas icon Santa Claus announced today that he is starting a GoFundMe campaign after his sleigh was broken into while on his…
BETHLEHEM, Judea — Three magi arrived at a venue last night for the Christ child shortly after his birth, along with a young drummer who…
CHICAGO — Holiday icon and present delivery mogul Santa Claus admitted this morning that he snuck Bandcamp links to his latest lo-fi EP, “Jingle Beats…
NORTH POLE — Members of the organization Stop Treating Animals Badly [STAB] rescued eight reindeer yesterday that were allegedly being exploited by a reclusive hoarder…
Before we start eating, I’d just like to say what we’re all thinking. This is our first Christmas without Uncle Randy. Obviously, we all dearly…