PITTSBURGH — The latest single by local punk band Dog Sniper used a sample of a “NBC Nightly News” telecast in a transparent attempt to…
UNITED STATES — 2021 calendars across the country report that Christmas is only 183 mass shootings away, sources who are counting down the days from…
NEW YORK — Undecided voter Tom O’Reilly is still not sure if any of his top candidates in the city’s upcoming mayoral election are the…
DENVER — Recently vaccinated McDonald’s line cook Lydia Dupree was relieved to be able to safely add layers of shimmering spittle to a fucker of…
DETROIT — Automobile manufacturers across the country hoping to stem the tide of climate change pledged to go 100% electric by the time it’s too…
HOUSTON — Famed environmental superhero and holographic android Captain Planet announced he would be accepting a position as a paid consultant for multinational oil and…
NORTH HALEDON, N.J. — Local woman and dedicated shower pisser Esme Hill reportedly held her urine in longer than usual on Tuesday night so she…
BALTIMORE — Local punk and wannabe anarchist Kevin Tomlin was upset to discover being an anarchist would require community involvement and not just make him…
Move over, Christian Bale. There’s a way more method-y actor in Hollywood, and it’s none other than 2021’s Nickelodeon Kids’ Choice Awards nominee for Favorite…
CHICAGO — Cadets of the Chicago Police Academy were reminded of the exhausting six weeks of training they endured in order to become full-fledged police…
ATHENS, Ohio — Self-described lover of crystals, energy healing, and astrology Emma Cobb is reportedly only into hobbies that allow her to casually stereotype people,…