WASHINGTON — The Department of Veteran Affairs revealed a catch-all cure for combat veterans that simply requires them to hide behind a box for five…
NEW YORK — After leaving to buy snacks midway through a screening of Spider-Man: Homecoming, Liam Brewster was shocked to discover that Marvel had already…
As a high school senior during the Trump presidency, I have found that defending progressive values is more important now than ever. That is why…
It is very important that cisgender white males like myself take our privilege and use it in service to various communities that need our support.…
LOS ANGELES — Graduating high school senior Cheryl Dowd announced she has no plans to port what has so far been a successful relationship with…
SEATTLE — A scheduled performance by Father John Misty was canceled last night after the singer began a long rant which culminated with him disappearing…
L OS ANGELES — Following decades of suffering, Lara Croft reportedly underwent a successful surgery today to reduce her incredibly large and geometrically pleasing breasts today. “After years…
WASHINGTON D.C. — After reportedly stating at a casual gathering of friends that her favorite series was Mass Effect and that she is “super excited” for…
NEW YORK CITY — Bill O’Reilly announced Wednesday he will leave Fox News in order to devote more time to his true passion: sexually harassing women.…
ATLANTA — Leaked documents from the National Security Agency confirmed that even they are not listening to local man Tucker Stevens’ Podcenter podcast, a daily,…
Mythical Coffee is all about coffee and inclusion. That is why our new policy is that all refugees are always welcome in our café so…
LOS ANGELES — After completing a segment on the sex lives of Kurdish fighters in Syria, VICE News reporter Dave Sullivan was fired for failing…
LAS VEGAS — Local musician and amateur bowler Dave Kalan finished another game of bowling in which he only hit the same three pins every…
NEWARK, N.J. — Months of hard work finally paid off for indie rock band Helsinki after locking into a musical performance almost as epic as…
CAMDEN, N.J. — Epoch, a four-piece prog-rock band described as “a mix between Rush, Genesis, and Yes,” reportedly sent out a rider before embarking on…
