So you sold out and got yourself a little corporate job selling insurance. Congrats! However, in order to sell insurance and actually support yourself with…
OMAHA, Neb. — Local guitarist Sebastian Melendez purchases the most inexpensive PA at his regular music equipment store following a detailed, four-hour description of every…
PHILADELPHIA — Office hero Tom Rafferty was kind enough to unmute his microphone during the company’s team meeting so he could be heard laughing at…
EL PASO, Texas — Post-hardcore band Asbestocide reportedly sold out what little cred they’ve obtained by not including free swag such as stickers or buttons…
PHOENIX — 45-year-old punk rocker and local senior accountant Danny Rogers was spotted yesterday afternoon circling the “A” on a weekly PNL report during a…
WASHINGTON — President Donald Trump boasted that post-shooting vigil candle sales have been “way up” under his administration, during a press conference held yesterday touting…
NASHVILLE, Tenn. — Sales of the once-trendy keytar are down for the 425th consecutive month, as markets continue to show complete disinterest in the retro…
THE SUBURBS — Your mother left you a stern voicemail this morning, reminding you that if you want to participate in this week’s holiday festivities,…
ALBANY, N.Y. — Local punk show promoter Steve “Froggy” Fordham cancelled his teenage daughter’s birthday party this morning due to “pathetically low” advanced ticket sales,…
BERKELEY, Calif. — Walmart’s “unbeatable” low prices were reportedly crushed last quarter by seminal DIY venue 924 Gilman Street’s in-house snack-and-zine shop, according to several…
ESCATAWPA, Miss. — American rock band 3 Doors Down has not yet received the anticipated bump in revenue and fans following their performance at President…